Letterman's zipper

So wow, what a shock. Like all guys, David Letterman has a hard time keeping it in his zipper.

First of all, is anyone really surprised? Don't most people hook up at work these days? He's never had one complaint filed by any of the women he was involved with, not one. People have been fired or let go, but none of them has stepped up and said it was because they either were or weren't sleeping with the boss. And certainly for the last decade or more, when the uber-hypocritical conservatives were calling the shots, there is NO WAY anyone with anything even close to a legitimate gripe would not have filed suit. So the conservatives who are whining now should put a big ole stinky sock in their pieholes and shut up already.

The only people who might have a complaint would be those who were co-workers of the co-opted. This was pointed out by an attorney on the Today Show and maybe she has a point. Suppose you and a co-worker did the same job, side by side, except she was screwing the boss and you weren't. Come bonus time, did it cross your mind that she might get a little something extra in her envelope?

But that should be easy enough to prove or disprove. Check the tax records. If Dave wanted to give her a little something out of his own pocket, that's nobody else's business. And I'm hard pressed to see that as creating a hostile work environment, although I'm quite sure some drama queens will make it into a big brouhaha. And if your co-worker is prettier than you and gets more attention from the ignorant Y-chromosomes in the office, does that make it a hostile work environment for the less attractive worker, or the more attractive worker? You can see the wheels spinning on this already, right?

Imagine if Bill Clinton had had the balls to get ahead of the Lewinsky mess. He should have gone to Hillary in private and fessed up and taken his well-deserved lumps, then gone to the hearing and said, YES, I had sex with her...next question? Then he could have cut his lawyers loose on the conservatives who were pushing to impeach him for doing something they themselves were doing, screwing their mistresses or whomever, or playing footsy between the stalls in the mens' room at the park.

And no, this isn't the same thing. Letterman wasn't elected to office, nor does he claim to represent anyone but himself. While the standard for being an honest and trustworthy individual may be tarnished, he isn't in the same category as the Palin clan, who were trotted out as paragons of virtue by Sarah Palin, until she had to admit that they didn't practice what they preached while she was wanting to legislate everyone else's bedroom activities.

Of all the things about this that piss me off, I'm most angry at the patronizing attitude of conservatives, pretending to protect the wronged women. If a woman in this day and age won't stand up for herself, won't speak up if she feels she's being put in a hostile work environment, then she's got herself to blame. The last thing women in this country need is a group of self-interested men who talk out of both sides of their mouths, with a camera in all bedrooms and their hands in our pockets, claiming to speak for the best interests of the little, stupid women who voted for them. Ladies, collectively we have more balls than the guys do, and it's time we started standing up for ourselves. A little sisterhood will go a very long way.

Meanwhile, prosecute Robert Joel Halderman for extortion, name Stephanie Birkitt as an accomplice if appropriate, and get back to more important news, like healthcare.

Kanye West is a jerk

What a dick. I don't care whether you like Taylor Swift's music or not, that was her moment and he stole it from her. No apology will ever give that back. Thank god Beyonce has class to spare, because Kanye West sucks.

In case of Rapture...

You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved. But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each
Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus...

Gotta love that. Real Christians know their beloved pets aren't going with them. I'm with the folks at EEBP, I'd rather stay behind with the pets. And if that isn't enough atheism for you...

...So when you feel like the only kid in town, without a God-like idol,
Here’s a list of famous atheists, so you don’t feel suicidal:

Ben Franklin and Thomas Edison, the Fathers of Invention,
Also Sigmund Freud, who discovered anal retention.

The Piano Man, Billy Joel, refused to join a sect.
Now we know why Rodney Dangerfield never got any respect

Angelina Jolie, astronomer Carl Sagan,
Put them together – not a bad-looking pagan [Sagan was really agnostic].

You don’t need a bar-mitzvah, or even baptism
Cause you can get blessed by Richard Dawkins or Christopher Hitchens...

I don't think Adam Sandler will mind.

Of course, Franklin and Jefferson weren't really atheists, but they were secular and advocated tolerance, which surely puts them on the outs with many 'believers'.

GEICO Cuts Ads

A wake-up call for Glenn Beck and his ilk:

GEICO Cuts Ads from Glenn Beck's Show

Selfish and stupid

I know I'm a hardass when it comes to drinking and driving. If you want to drink yourself into the ground, by all means, go for it. But if you get behind the wheel of a car and are in an accident, then your ass belongs in jail. Sorry, but driving after you've been drinking is a choice and NOBODY gets excused.

The woman who died in a head-on crash into an sport-utility vehicle while driving a minivan the wrong way on the Taconic State Parkway in Westchester County last week — killing her daughter, three nieces and three men in the S.U.V. — was drunk and had marijuana in her system, officials said Tuesday.

The woman, Diane Schuler, 36, of West Babylon, N.Y., had a blood alcohol level of 0.19 percent, more than twice the legal limit of 0.08 percent, Maj. William T. Carey, a troop commander with the New York State Police, said at an afternoon news conference. In addition, a 1.75-liter bottle of Absolut vodka was found in the minivan, he said...

I can hear the interviews with friends and family members now, about how kind and generous and loving this selfish bitch was.

I'm not interested in anyone's whiny excuses, like "I'm a good drunk driver" or "I wasn't that drunk" or "I only had one drink" or "I didn't know what I was doing" or especially "Someone should have stopped me". You can go ahead and fuck yourself up if you want to &mdash and when you do, shut up whining about it, you made your choice. In fact, take yourself out of the gene pool and get it over with. But under no circumstances do you have the right to screw up or kill anyone else because you made a selfish and thoughtless decision. Either find a friend who is willing to stay sober and be responsible for your selfish ignorant ass, or take a cab/a bus/public transportation/walk, or stay home.

You can't help but be heartbroken for the three men in the SUV who this cow* hit head-on, or the young children who hopefully died quickly and didn't know what happened. Imagine how her poor son is going to feel once he's old enough to know what happened. As for Ms. Schuler, the only good that comes out of a tragedy like this is that she is dead and won't be killing or maiming anyone else, or ruining another family's lives.

*My sincere apologies to all bovines.

Pranknet bully hides behind his mommy

This is too funny. This cowardly asswipe and his bully cronies have been making phone calls to people in motels or employees at fast food joints and scaring the bejeezus out of them, getting them to do all kinds of things thinking they were in imminent danger. But leave it to The Smoking Gun to out these idiots.

...Coalescing in an online chat room, members of the group, known as Pranknet, use the telephone to carry out cruel and outrageous hoaxes, which they broadcast live around-the-clock on the Internet. Masquerading as hotel employees, emergency service workers, and representatives of fire alarm companies, "Dex" and his cohorts have successfully prodded unwitting victims to destroy hotel rooms and lobbies, set off sprinkler systems, activate fire alarms, and damage assorted fast food restaurants.

But while Pranknet's hoaxes have caused millions of dollars in damages, it is the group's efforts to degrade and frighten targets that makes it even more odious. For example, a bizarre July 20 prank ended with a hotel worker actually sipping from a urine sample provided by a guest at a Homewood Suites in Kentucky. Additionally, at least twice this year, fast food workers--fearing that they would suffer burns after being doused by chemicals from a fire suppression system--stripped off their clothes on the sidewalk outside their respective restaurants...

Oh my, aren't these people clever and funny. NOT.

So what happens when TSG shows up at "Dex's" house? He hides in his bedroom with his mommy.

On July 21, a pair of TSG reporters approached "Dex"'s building at 1637 Assumption Street in Windsor, where he lives in the ground-floor 'B' apartment. Calling to his mother, who was standing near an open living room window, a reporter asked her to summon her son. The woman disappeared into "Dex"'s adjoining bedroom, where the pair could be heard whispering. Despite repeated requests to come out and speak with TSG, "Dex" hid with his mother in his bedroom, the windows of which were covered with plastic shopping bags, a towel, and one black trash bag.

As the sun set and his room darkened, "Dex" did not reach to turn on a light. The notorious Internet Tough Guy, who has gleefully used the telephone to cause all kinds of havoc, was now himself panicking. He had been found. And, as a result, was barricaded in Pranknet World Headquarters with his mom, while two reporters loitered outside his window and curious neighbors wondered what was up.

That's when the online outlaw came up with a plan...

Cowering in his room with his mother, Malik called 911 to report "suspicious persons" outside his home (it is unclear whether he used Skype to beckon cops). According to Windsor Police Service records, Malik asked not to be contacted by officers when they arrived at the Assumption Street address. Despite that request, Fouzia Malik, 51, eventually allowed a pair of Windsor patrolmen to enter the family's $600-a-month apartment. The officers spent about 30 minutes conferring with Tariq before emerging to report that he did not wish to speak with reporters...

Throw this jackass in a dank dark cell and lose the key. Same for his pals. Don't let them talk to each other or even contact each other. And no internet access for any of them until the end of time.

Healthcare for Congress

"For the average worker, the Federal Employees Health Benefits Plan would probably look quite attractive," said Pete Sepp, a spokesman for the National Taxpayers Union, a pinch-penny advocacy group.

Indeed, a question often surfaces: Why can't everyone enjoy the same benefits as members of Congress? The answer: The country probably couldn't afford it -- not without reforms to bring costs way, way down.

Given their choices, lawmakers can tailor coverage in a way most Americans cannot. If a child has asthma, for instance, a federal employee might opt for coverage that costs a little more but has a bigger doctor network and lower office-visit fees.

The plan most favored by federal workers is Blue Cross Blue Shield, which covers a family for about $1,030 a month. Taxpayers kick in $700, and employees pay the rest. Seeing a doctor costs $20. Generic prescriptions cost $10. Immunizations are free. There is no coverage limit.

Federal employees also enjoy a significant benefit denied the average American: There is no such thing as a preexisting condition, which keeps many sick people from obtaining insurance. Once hired, federal workers are eligible for coverage no matter their health, with no waiting period.

Voters sense a disconnect...

I'll say we sense a disconnect. I've been saying it forever — term limits and no lifetime benefits for Congresscritters. Once you are out of office, you can sign up for COBRA (hahahaha) just like everyone else, then go get a job and see what kind of healthcare is available. Oh, btw, that job cannot be in any way a lobbying job. All elected officials should have to sign a lifetime binding contract to that effect.

Representative Steve Kagen, a Democrat from Wisconsin, is the only Congressperson who has refused to accept federal healthcare benefits. He is the lone member who actually understands what the issue is about, or at least what it should be about. From the same LA Times article:

Kagen recently had knee surgery, writing checks for more than $4,500 after bargaining for a reduced-rate MRI and a 50% discount on the operation. (He is still dickering over the hospital bill.)

"If every member of Congress put their heads on their pillow every night like I do ... knowing this could be the night I lose my house, we'd fix healthcare in a week," said Kagen, who spent decades as a doctor in the Green Bay area before winning office in 2006.

Kagen said his wife and three of his four children have health coverage. But not his oldest daughter, 28, who can't afford insurance.

She's a nurse in Miami.

The only people who should have lifetime taxpayer-financed healthcare are those armed forces personnel who have served 20 years or seen combat (including National Guard members). All others, welcome to my world.

Kiss My Big Blue Butt

I need heroes, and in addition to Helen, I have found another. Susan DuQuesnay Bankston of Kiss My Big Blue Butt is a woman of my stripe. Or perhaps I am one of hers. Whatever. I like her style.

Thanks to Mark H. for letting us know that the Texas Board of Ignorance, errr Education, has decided that history is what they say it is ---

United Farmworkers founder César Chávez is an unfitting role model for students, and former Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall is not an appropriate historical figure. So say “expert reviewers” in their report to the Texas State Board of Education, which recommends removing the two U.S. leaders from the social studies curriculum taught to its 4.7 million public school students.

I don't know what the big deal is here. I mean, if you let little minority kids know that they, too, can make a difference in the world, then the next thing you know, they'll start thinking they can be President or something.  This dangerous trend must be stopped.

Check her out.

Margaret and Helen

This is without a doubt my new favorite blog to read. Margaret and Helen are thoughtful, opinionated, brave, and old enough to not give a crap what anyone thinks of them. I hope Michelle Obama reads their blog. Helen does most of the posting and Margaret drops in her two cents, but what a pair they are! They are fabulous.

On Sarah Palin's resignation:

Margaret, I watched Sarah Palin’s resignation speech and all I have to say is, “What the hell was that?” My God that woman is an idiot. I have said this before, but I feel the need to say it again. Her problems did not come because the media was against her. Her problems come because every time you stick a microphone in front of her mouth a whole lot of stupid falls out.

Things are getting tough and once again she is trying to hide behind that dysfunctional family of hers. She actually stood there and talked about how the Palins had a family meeting and everyone agreed it was time for her to step down as Governor. Well, I call bullshit. The only family meetings the Palins have usually involve someone peeing on an early pregnancy test stick...

I read them and feel like I've found my political doppelgangers. I mean it. Really.

Blow a kiss, no diploma for you

Is it me, or is that a school superintendent who needs her ass fired? Justin Denney blows a kiss, bows and points to his family and for that she refuses to give him his diploma? Honey, if that's what you consider misbehaving, then not only should you never hold a job in any capacity at any school, but any school district that supports you should just cancel graduation ceremonies altogether and mail the damn diplomas.

And what's the lesson students will learn? If you want to blow a kiss, or bow, or acknowledge your family in any way, wait until you have the diploma in your hand, then do whatever the hell you want.

Stupid woman.