Parody

'Twas The Night Before Christmas

'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the
annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence,
kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this
potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus
musculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the
wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure
regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among
whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas.

The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective
accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual
hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through
their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head
coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness
when upon the avenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended
such a cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity
from my place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining the precise source
thereof.

Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing
this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance
without, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline
precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian
itself - thus permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs to
behold a miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight
diminutive specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule,
aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly
apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller. With his
ungulate motive power travelling at what may possibly have been more
vertiginous velocity than patriotic alar predators, he vociferated
loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted labia, and
addressed each of the octet by his or her respective cognomen - "Now
Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. - guiding them to the uppermost exterior
level of our abode, through which structure I could readily distinguish the
concatenations of each of the 32 cloven pedal extremities.

As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was performing a
180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved - with utmost
celerity and via a downward leap - entry by way of the smoke passage. He
was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebony residue from
oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on the walls
thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I attributed largely to the
plethora of assorted playthings which he bore dorsally in a commodious
cloth receptacle.

His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his submaxillary
dermal indentations gave every evidence of engaging amiability. The
capillaries of his malar regions and nasal appurtenance were engorged with
blood which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the former approximating the
coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the latter that of the Prunus avium,
or sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and supralabials resembled nothing so
much as a common loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment
appeared like small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.

Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking piece whose grey
fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive
of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider than it was
high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region
undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a hemispherical
container. He was, in short, neither more nor less than an obese, jocund,
multigenarian gnome, the optical perception of whom rendered me visibly
frolicsome despite every effort to refrain from so being. By rapidly
lowering and then elevating one eyelid and rotating his head slightly to
one side, he indicated that trepidation on my part was groundless.

Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the
aforementioned appended hosiery with various of the aforementioned
articles of merchandise extracted from his aforementioned previously
dorsally transported cloth receptacle. Upon completion of this task,
he executed an abrupt about-face, placed a single manual digit in
lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium
forward in a gesture of leave-taking, and forthwith effected his
egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage. He then
propelled himself in a short vector onto his conveyance, directed a
musical expulsion of air through his contracted oral sphincter to the
antlered quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a
movement hitherto observable chiefly among the seed-bearing portions
of a common weed. But I overheard his parting exclamation, audible
immediately prior to his vehiculation beyond the limits of
visibility: "Ecstatic Yuletide to the planetary constituency, and to
that self same assemblage, my sincerest wishes for a salubriously
beneficial and gratifyingly pleasurable period between sunset and
dawn."

Sounds like something Pop Pop's friend would write!

I've Noticed

So Okay,,,, the wabbit and myself have had much on our plate... Tonite I am home and came here to get some relief... and REALLY wanted to read her take on the Tiger shit...
and the bullshit about Nike wanting to sponsor his wife for the new golf club, with the claim that it is the only club that can beat Tiger.......
All the crap aside.... I really wanted to be distracted with some real insight other than all the BULL in the papers, and TV on a very personal thing that was better left alone to a private personal matter...
I gotta say... "Shame on the whole thing" Shame Shame Shame... will we really know the whole story? who gives a crap... he screwed up a good thing.... Shame Shame Shame... I've been out of the loop and really don't pay much attention to the gossip columns but... TIGER??? HELLO????? Shame Shame Shame I'm thinking from what I've gleaned... Is there a man alive that doesn't equate fame with fornication?

Xerox helps you say Thanks

from Anhaga:

XEROX IS DOING SOMETHING COOL

If you go to www.LetsSayThanks.com, you can pick out a thank you card that Xerox will print and send to a soldier currently serving in Iraq. You can't pick out who gets it, but it will go to a member of the armed services. It is FREE and it only takes a few minutes.

Whether you are for or against the war, our soldiers over there need to know we are behind them. This takes only minutes and it's a wonderful way to say thank you.

Please take the time and please pass it on for others to do. We can never say enough thank you's.

Card designs were drawn by children from all around the US.

Happy Veteran's Day

Polluting the oceans

Key Dear sent me this link and I have to post it. I've known about cargo ships and cruise ships dumping their waste and trash in the oceans for years. The ships and boats that visit the Galapagos are famous for it. But these photos really bring the message home.

Comedy Eavesdropping

Letterman's zipper

So wow, what a shock. Like all guys, David Letterman has a hard time keeping it in his zipper.

First of all, is anyone really surprised? Don't most people hook up at work these days? He's never had one complaint filed by any of the women he was involved with, not one. People have been fired or let go, but none of them has stepped up and said it was because they either were or weren't sleeping with the boss. And certainly for the last decade or more, when the uber-hypocritical conservatives were calling the shots, there is NO WAY anyone with anything even close to a legitimate gripe would not have filed suit. So the conservatives who are whining now should put a big ole stinky sock in their pieholes and shut up already.

The only people who might have a complaint would be those who were co-workers of the co-opted. This was pointed out by an attorney on the Today Show and maybe she has a point. Suppose you and a co-worker did the same job, side by side, except she was screwing the boss and you weren't. Come bonus time, did it cross your mind that she might get a little something extra in her envelope?

But that should be easy enough to prove or disprove. Check the tax records. If Dave wanted to give her a little something out of his own pocket, that's nobody else's business. And I'm hard pressed to see that as creating a hostile work environment, although I'm quite sure some drama queens will make it into a big brouhaha. And if your co-worker is prettier than you and gets more attention from the ignorant Y-chromosomes in the office, does that make it a hostile work environment for the less attractive worker, or the more attractive worker? You can see the wheels spinning on this already, right?

Imagine if Bill Clinton had had the balls to get ahead of the Lewinsky mess. He should have gone to Hillary in private and fessed up and taken his well-deserved lumps, then gone to the hearing and said, YES, I had sex with her...next question? Then he could have cut his lawyers loose on the conservatives who were pushing to impeach him for doing something they themselves were doing, screwing their mistresses or whomever, or playing footsy between the stalls in the mens' room at the park.

And no, this isn't the same thing. Letterman wasn't elected to office, nor does he claim to represent anyone but himself. While the standard for being an honest and trustworthy individual may be tarnished, he isn't in the same category as the Palin clan, who were trotted out as paragons of virtue by Sarah Palin, until she had to admit that they didn't practice what they preached while she was wanting to legislate everyone else's bedroom activities.

Of all the things about this that piss me off, I'm most angry at the patronizing attitude of conservatives, pretending to protect the wronged women. If a woman in this day and age won't stand up for herself, won't speak up if she feels she's being put in a hostile work environment, then she's got herself to blame. The last thing women in this country need is a group of self-interested men who talk out of both sides of their mouths, with a camera in all bedrooms and their hands in our pockets, claiming to speak for the best interests of the little, stupid women who voted for them. Ladies, collectively we have more balls than the guys do, and it's time we started standing up for ourselves. A little sisterhood will go a very long way.

Meanwhile, prosecute Robert Joel Halderman for extortion, name Stephanie Birkitt as an accomplice if appropriate, and get back to more important news, like healthcare.

Kanye West is a jerk

What a dick. I don't care whether you like Taylor Swift's music or not, that was her moment and he stole it from her. No apology will ever give that back. Thank god Beyonce has class to spare, because Kanye West sucks.

In case of Rapture...

You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved. But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each
Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus...

Gotta love that. Real Christians know their beloved pets aren't going with them. I'm with the folks at EEBP, I'd rather stay behind with the pets. And if that isn't enough atheism for you...

...So when you feel like the only kid in town, without a God-like idol,
Here’s a list of famous atheists, so you don’t feel suicidal:

Ben Franklin and Thomas Edison, the Fathers of Invention,
Also Sigmund Freud, who discovered anal retention.

The Piano Man, Billy Joel, refused to join a sect.
Now we know why Rodney Dangerfield never got any respect

Angelina Jolie, astronomer Carl Sagan,
Put them together – not a bad-looking pagan [Sagan was really agnostic].

You don’t need a bar-mitzvah, or even baptism
Cause you can get blessed by Richard Dawkins or Christopher Hitchens...

I don't think Adam Sandler will mind.

Of course, Franklin and Jefferson weren't really atheists, but they were secular and advocated tolerance, which surely puts them on the outs with many 'believers'.

GEICO Cuts Ads

A wake-up call for Glenn Beck and his ilk:

GEICO Cuts Ads from Glenn Beck's Show

Selfish and stupid

I know I'm a hardass when it comes to drinking and driving. If you want to drink yourself into the ground, by all means, go for it. But if you get behind the wheel of a car and are in an accident, then your ass belongs in jail. Sorry, but driving after you've been drinking is a choice and NOBODY gets excused.

The woman who died in a head-on crash into an sport-utility vehicle while driving a minivan the wrong way on the Taconic State Parkway in Westchester County last week — killing her daughter, three nieces and three men in the S.U.V. — was drunk and had marijuana in her system, officials said Tuesday.

The woman, Diane Schuler, 36, of West Babylon, N.Y., had a blood alcohol level of 0.19 percent, more than twice the legal limit of 0.08 percent, Maj. William T. Carey, a troop commander with the New York State Police, said at an afternoon news conference. In addition, a 1.75-liter bottle of Absolut vodka was found in the minivan, he said...

I can hear the interviews with friends and family members now, about how kind and generous and loving this selfish bitch was.

I'm not interested in anyone's whiny excuses, like "I'm a good drunk driver" or "I wasn't that drunk" or "I only had one drink" or "I didn't know what I was doing" or especially "Someone should have stopped me". You can go ahead and fuck yourself up if you want to &mdash and when you do, shut up whining about it, you made your choice. In fact, take yourself out of the gene pool and get it over with. But under no circumstances do you have the right to screw up or kill anyone else because you made a selfish and thoughtless decision. Either find a friend who is willing to stay sober and be responsible for your selfish ignorant ass, or take a cab/a bus/public transportation/walk, or stay home.

You can't help but be heartbroken for the three men in the SUV who this cow* hit head-on, or the young children who hopefully died quickly and didn't know what happened. Imagine how her poor son is going to feel once he's old enough to know what happened. As for Ms. Schuler, the only good that comes out of a tragedy like this is that she is dead and won't be killing or maiming anyone else, or ruining another family's lives.

*My sincere apologies to all bovines.

Pranknet bully hides behind his mommy

This is too funny. This cowardly asswipe and his bully cronies have been making phone calls to people in motels or employees at fast food joints and scaring the bejeezus out of them, getting them to do all kinds of things thinking they were in imminent danger. But leave it to The Smoking Gun to out these idiots.

...Coalescing in an online chat room, members of the group, known as Pranknet, use the telephone to carry out cruel and outrageous hoaxes, which they broadcast live around-the-clock on the Internet. Masquerading as hotel employees, emergency service workers, and representatives of fire alarm companies, "Dex" and his cohorts have successfully prodded unwitting victims to destroy hotel rooms and lobbies, set off sprinkler systems, activate fire alarms, and damage assorted fast food restaurants.

But while Pranknet's hoaxes have caused millions of dollars in damages, it is the group's efforts to degrade and frighten targets that makes it even more odious. For example, a bizarre July 20 prank ended with a hotel worker actually sipping from a urine sample provided by a guest at a Homewood Suites in Kentucky. Additionally, at least twice this year, fast food workers--fearing that they would suffer burns after being doused by chemicals from a fire suppression system--stripped off their clothes on the sidewalk outside their respective restaurants...

Oh my, aren't these people clever and funny. NOT.

So what happens when TSG shows up at "Dex's" house? He hides in his bedroom with his mommy.

On July 21, a pair of TSG reporters approached "Dex"'s building at 1637 Assumption Street in Windsor, where he lives in the ground-floor 'B' apartment. Calling to his mother, who was standing near an open living room window, a reporter asked her to summon her son. The woman disappeared into "Dex"'s adjoining bedroom, where the pair could be heard whispering. Despite repeated requests to come out and speak with TSG, "Dex" hid with his mother in his bedroom, the windows of which were covered with plastic shopping bags, a towel, and one black trash bag.

As the sun set and his room darkened, "Dex" did not reach to turn on a light. The notorious Internet Tough Guy, who has gleefully used the telephone to cause all kinds of havoc, was now himself panicking. He had been found. And, as a result, was barricaded in Pranknet World Headquarters with his mom, while two reporters loitered outside his window and curious neighbors wondered what was up.

That's when the online outlaw came up with a plan...

Cowering in his room with his mother, Malik called 911 to report "suspicious persons" outside his home (it is unclear whether he used Skype to beckon cops). According to Windsor Police Service records, Malik asked not to be contacted by officers when they arrived at the Assumption Street address. Despite that request, Fouzia Malik, 51, eventually allowed a pair of Windsor patrolmen to enter the family's $600-a-month apartment. The officers spent about 30 minutes conferring with Tariq before emerging to report that he did not wish to speak with reporters...

Throw this jackass in a dank dark cell and lose the key. Same for his pals. Don't let them talk to each other or even contact each other. And no internet access for any of them until the end of time.

Healthcare for Congress

"For the average worker, the Federal Employees Health Benefits Plan would probably look quite attractive," said Pete Sepp, a spokesman for the National Taxpayers Union, a pinch-penny advocacy group.

Indeed, a question often surfaces: Why can't everyone enjoy the same benefits as members of Congress? The answer: The country probably couldn't afford it -- not without reforms to bring costs way, way down.

Given their choices, lawmakers can tailor coverage in a way most Americans cannot. If a child has asthma, for instance, a federal employee might opt for coverage that costs a little more but has a bigger doctor network and lower office-visit fees.

The plan most favored by federal workers is Blue Cross Blue Shield, which covers a family for about $1,030 a month. Taxpayers kick in $700, and employees pay the rest. Seeing a doctor costs $20. Generic prescriptions cost $10. Immunizations are free. There is no coverage limit.

Federal employees also enjoy a significant benefit denied the average American: There is no such thing as a preexisting condition, which keeps many sick people from obtaining insurance. Once hired, federal workers are eligible for coverage no matter their health, with no waiting period.

Voters sense a disconnect...

I'll say we sense a disconnect. I've been saying it forever — term limits and no lifetime benefits for Congresscritters. Once you are out of office, you can sign up for COBRA (hahahaha) just like everyone else, then go get a job and see what kind of healthcare is available. Oh, btw, that job cannot be in any way a lobbying job. All elected officials should have to sign a lifetime binding contract to that effect.

Representative Steve Kagen, a Democrat from Wisconsin, is the only Congressperson who has refused to accept federal healthcare benefits. He is the lone member who actually understands what the issue is about, or at least what it should be about. From the same LA Times article:

Kagen recently had knee surgery, writing checks for more than $4,500 after bargaining for a reduced-rate MRI and a 50% discount on the operation. (He is still dickering over the hospital bill.)

"If every member of Congress put their heads on their pillow every night like I do ... knowing this could be the night I lose my house, we'd fix healthcare in a week," said Kagen, who spent decades as a doctor in the Green Bay area before winning office in 2006.

Kagen said his wife and three of his four children have health coverage. But not his oldest daughter, 28, who can't afford insurance.

She's a nurse in Miami.

The only people who should have lifetime taxpayer-financed healthcare are those armed forces personnel who have served 20 years or seen combat (including National Guard members). All others, welcome to my world.

Kiss My Big Blue Butt

I need heroes, and in addition to Helen, I have found another. Susan DuQuesnay Bankston of Kiss My Big Blue Butt is a woman of my stripe. Or perhaps I am one of hers. Whatever. I like her style.

Thanks to Mark H. for letting us know that the Texas Board of Ignorance, errr Education, has decided that history is what they say it is ---

United Farmworkers founder César Chávez is an unfitting role model for students, and former Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall is not an appropriate historical figure. So say “expert reviewers” in their report to the Texas State Board of Education, which recommends removing the two U.S. leaders from the social studies curriculum taught to its 4.7 million public school students.

I don't know what the big deal is here. I mean, if you let little minority kids know that they, too, can make a difference in the world, then the next thing you know, they'll start thinking they can be President or something.  This dangerous trend must be stopped.

Check her out.

Margaret and Helen

This is without a doubt my new favorite blog to read. Margaret and Helen are thoughtful, opinionated, brave, and old enough to not give a crap what anyone thinks of them. I hope Michelle Obama reads their blog. Helen does most of the posting and Margaret drops in her two cents, but what a pair they are! They are fabulous.

On Sarah Palin's resignation:

Margaret, I watched Sarah Palin’s resignation speech and all I have to say is, “What the hell was that?” My God that woman is an idiot. I have said this before, but I feel the need to say it again. Her problems did not come because the media was against her. Her problems come because every time you stick a microphone in front of her mouth a whole lot of stupid falls out.

Things are getting tough and once again she is trying to hide behind that dysfunctional family of hers. She actually stood there and talked about how the Palins had a family meeting and everyone agreed it was time for her to step down as Governor. Well, I call bullshit. The only family meetings the Palins have usually involve someone peeing on an early pregnancy test stick...

I read them and feel like I've found my political doppelgangers. I mean it. Really.

Blow a kiss, no diploma for you

Is it me, or is that a school superintendent who needs her ass fired? Justin Denney blows a kiss, bows and points to his family and for that she refuses to give him his diploma? Honey, if that's what you consider misbehaving, then not only should you never hold a job in any capacity at any school, but any school district that supports you should just cancel graduation ceremonies altogether and mail the damn diplomas.

And what's the lesson students will learn? If you want to blow a kiss, or bow, or acknowledge your family in any way, wait until you have the diploma in your hand, then do whatever the hell you want.

Stupid woman.

Das Rad

And now for something completely different…



Ein lebhaftes kurz über die Entwicklung des Menschen durch die Perspektive von zwei Steinen auf einem Hügel. The movie is in German with English subtitles.

Konkurrieren mit das, Hündinnen.

Orville Redenbacher

Another good father commercial. At first I thought this one would be another stereotypical little-girl-tea-party ad, but it breaks new ground. First, this is a black family. There are still too many narrow-minded bigots who think that black families don't even exist as such, nevermind that their little girls have the same hopes and dreams as their daughters. But the clincher is when the big brother and father dress up and fold themselves into tiny chairs to be part of the tea party, all to get some popcorn. "Napkins, napkins." Too funny. My own father would have taken the whole bowl of popcorn away from me and told me I was selfish, so you can just imagine how much I appreciate this commercial.

I've been wanting to post about this ad for a long time, but had to wait to find it on YouTube. It wasn't on the Redenbacher site.

Fatherhood

The Ad Council has several PSAs running, including two promoting good parenting by fathers, but this one is my personal favorite. Actually, this is one of my very favorite commercials, period. Who wouldn't love to have a father like this?

I hope this ad inspires a few guys to get over themselves and not be embarrassed to be good parents in whatever form that takes.

Manny being Manny

I think Jonathan Papelbon sums it up nicely:

"They make a pamphlet in Spanish and English telling you what you can and can't take," said Papelbon. "It's not that hard."

Maybe we don't know everything, but look at what is known.

Ramirez is 37 years old and is still considered one of the best hitters in baseball. Nevermind that he's a glory hound and not a team player in a team sport — he can whack the ball, which gives him the chance to stand at home plate and admire his work. We're talking about being one of the very best at doing something that is widely considered to be the most difficult thing in sports, hitting a major league pitch. You may not agree with that (I don't), but let's accept it for the sake of the discussion. How is it that people like Ramirez and Barry Bonds, among countless others, get better at this most difficult of things when they should be winding down? Power hitting is not something that improves with age. Pitching might, but not hitting. Pool players improve with age. Baseball players do not, at least not after age 35 or so.

Ramirez was suspending for failing a drug test that was administered in Spring training. He tested positive for HCG, human chorionic gonadotropin, a female hormone prescribed to stimulate female fertility, testosterone production in men and to treat delayed puberty in boys. It is also used to restart the body's natural testosterone cycle after the use of anabolic steroids. According to ESPN, testing by Major League Baseball showed that Ramirez had testosterone in his body that was not natural and came from an artificial source, two people with knowledge of the case told ESPN's Mark Fainaru-Wada and T.J. Quinn. The sources said that in addition to the artificial testosterone, Ramirez was identified as using the female fertility drug human chorionic gonadotropin, or hCG. The sources said Ramirez was suspended for using hCG because baseball had documentation to prove his use of the drug…

Let the whining being.

Limburger conservatives

Christine Todd Whitman
"...we need to provide a compelling counterpoint to the Obama administration’s tax-spend-and-borrow policies…"

Michael Steele
"Well, if spending the hard-earned dollars of the American people and redistributing their wealth and moving towards a collectivist socialist approach to government, if that helps you realize you're a Democrat, then, you know, good riddance."

Was the Kool-Aid that good for the last eight years? The *Democrats* are about big government? Have you not been paying attention, or is it only bad when it's not your guy? Do you have any idea what the deficit is now (vs. what it was when the Shrub took office)? Tax-spend-and-borrow?? Who mortgaged our great-grandchildren to China?? Increased taxes on the American people? Since when do you care about taxes unless they affect the top 1% of income earners? btw, have you figured out yet that Obama is talking about raising taxes letting the Bush tax cuts for the wealthy expire, and increasing the capital gains tax for families making over $250K from 15% to 20%, which is less than the 28% tax on capital gains under your hero, Reagan? Activist judges? Can you say Patriot Act?

Financially, conservatism is a joke. It's all about the very few haves increasing their holdings at the expense of the have-not-so-much, while conning them into believing they have a shot at joining the uber-wealthy. It's about a two class system, the top 1% who have everything and control everything, and the rest of the schmucks who scrape and serve.

And now poor Rush is apoplectic over the carved-in-stone eventuality of having a disabled, black, gay, pregnant teenage girl appointed, all because Obama had the audacity to say (two years ago) that it would not be a terrible thing to have someone who had empathy for people other than their pals.

OMG, we're all going to die!!

NOT.

The drama queens are already freaking out over "swine" flu. I don't understand why people are so anxious to draw attention to themselves at any cost. And the blame game is up and running, along with the I told you so game.

Go ahead and take your kids out of school, stay home, go nowhere, have your groceries delivered, avoid your friends… sheesh. Stop tweeting every five minutes.

This too shall pass, probably in about two years. Sorry about that, dq's. I hope you're in it for the long haul.

Sad effects of the sinking economy

These are the kinds of things assholes like Bernie Madoff and his wife never bother to consider:

Aokigahara Forest is known for two things in Japan: breathtaking views of Mount Fuji and suicides. Also called the Sea of Trees, this destination for the desperate is a place where the suicidal disappear, often never to be found in the dense forest.

Taro, a 46-year-old man fired from his job at an iron manufacturing company, hoped to fade into the blackness. "My will to live disappeared," said Taro. "I'd lost my identity, so I didn't want to live on this earth. That's why I went there."…

How sad is it that an average person just trying to live their life ends up feeling such despair. And how infuriating is it that Madoff is whining about wanting to be in his $6million apartment until his official sentencing — as if anyone is stupid enough to believe he wouldn't skip town in a heartbeat. Let him rot, I say.

A.I.G. can bite me

From the NY Times:

The American International Group, which has received more than $170 billion in taxpayer bailout money from the Treasury and Federal Reserve, plans to pay about $165 million in bonuses by Sunday to executives in the same business unit that brought the company to the brink of collapse last year.

Word of the bonuses last week stirred such deep consternation inside the Obama administration that Treasury Secretary Timothy F. Geithner told the firm they were unacceptable and demanded they be renegotiated, a senior administration official said. But the bonuses will go forward because lawyers said the firm was contractually obligated to pay them.

[ … ]

A.I.G., nearly 80 percent of which is now owned by the government, defended its bonuses, arguing that they were promised last year before the crisis and cannot be legally canceled. In a letter to Mr. Geithner, Edward M. Liddy, the government-appointed chairman of A.I.G., said at least some bonuses were needed to keep the most skilled executives.

“We cannot attract and retain the best and the brightest talent to lead and staff the A.I.G. businesses — which are now being operated principally on behalf of American taxpayers — if employees believe their compensation is subject to continued and arbitrary adjustment by the U.S. Treasury,” he wrote Mr. Geithner on Saturday…

Are you people for real? Why were no strings attached to the bail-out money? For crying out loud, politicians live on pork, there is NO WAY they couldn't have tacked on some conditions for how this money was to be used. If these so-called managers and corporate "leaders" had an ounce of dignity or compassion, they would refuse the bonuses.

Anyone think they will? Me neither.

Brainless beauty, again

Word is, Rihanna and Chris Brown are back together.

E! News has learned that the R&B-star duo are spending one-on-one time at Sean "Diddy" Combs' Star Island mansion in Miami Beach…

"Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired," Brown said in a statement released Feb. 15. "I am seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother and other loved ones and I am committed, with God's help, to emerging a better person."

Oh yeah, right. Which publicist wrote this "apology"? I'd bet big money it wasn't written by Chris Brown. Not only is it too well written, it's completely phony.

I wish that the next time Brown decides to get physical on his girlfriend, and there will be a next time, Diddy could be charged as an accessory or an enabler. My guess is he's another prick who thinks it's cool and righteous to beat up your significant other.

And Rihanna, you may be gorgeous, but you are clearly thick as a post. If you were older, you could date Mike Tyson, or OJ Simpson. You are an idiot.

Please, if there is a god, smack all of these people with a sterility stick. None of them should ever be allowed to breed.

Magic Jack

Hate the infomercial, but the product itself is actually pretty good.

FreeCreditReport.com

This is a series that turned out to have legs. It's actually pretty cute, for the most part. I don't care for the bicycle one. And I wish they had learned to move their hands on the guitar necks for the "happy bachelor" ad.

As an aside, PopPop loves this particular commercial. Not because he has clue one what it's about — he doesn't even understand the lyric. He likes it because he's seen the Elder Pea sing the ditty. So it must be good!

EDIT: and here's a spoof of the ad. And I hope everyone realizes that there is a catch — your 'free' credit report is contingent on enrollment in Triple Advantage, which will run you $14.95 each month.

O.M.G. - McNugget Love

Hard to believe this site is real, but seeing is believing. The comments are, well, more delicious than McNuggets for sure.

Title: Since I was a youth

Message: I am going to keep it real. Mcnuggets have always been my favorite meal. My first sentence was "Nuggets Mommy, please!"…

Gag me with a spoon.

Breeders

Where is the unlimited supply of diapers, formula and baby wipes? The free van? The brand-new house?

Women who give birth to six, seven or eight babies are often showered with dazzling gifts from big corporations, local businesses and strangers. But that is not happening with the Southern California mother who delivered octuplets last week.

The news that she is a single mother with six other children — and that all 14 were conceived by having embryos implanted — seems to have turned off many people, and companies are not exactly rushing to get publicity by piling on the freebies.

Nadya Suleman, 33, has been lambasted by talk-show hosts, fertility experts, even her own mother, who has her hands full taking care of Suleman’s other children, ages 2 to 7…

Nobody is even kidding about the new house. More than one mega-birth family has received sponsorship, and I'd be surprised if Ms. Suleman isn't anticipating the same. Some company will step up to the plate with the line, "We can't take it out on the children." True enough, but perhaps someone should have thought about that several months ago.

Who thought about the risk to the fetuses? In multiple births, there are frequently health problems for the surviving children. Who finances the hospital bills, estimated to be roughly $160,000 per child (assuming no complications)? Where is the money for raising these children? Beyond the financial aspect, she has 14 children under the age of eight, so by the time the older kids are old enough to help out with the youngest, the youngest won't need their help with anything except homework.

What happened to the guidelines that are in place for situations like this? Maybe someone has seen Pirates of the Caribbean too many times. What was the implantation doctor thinking, other than how much publicity he would get? Why wasn't Ms. Suleman subject to the same scrutiny that a prospective adoptive parent would have been?

Super Bowl XLIII ads

NBC must have lost a bundle this year — it seemed like every third commercial was a promo for one of their new shows. At $3 million for a 30 second spot, that's a lot of money for promos. It was clever to get Budweiser to pick up half the tab on one of them. And when did 2D become 1D??

Some of the commercials were educational. We all know how to pronouce Hyundai now. Matt Light isn't a half bad dancer for a big guy. Ed McMahon and MC Hammer have a good sense of humor, in spite of their circumstances. Who knew Alec Baldwin was so funny? Talking babies are still cute. Danica Patrick should stick to driving.

Without question, my favorite commercial was aired early in the first quarter - the Dorito's Snow Globe commercial:




Too bad PETA didn't get to run their Veggie Love ad:



Watch the 2009 Super Bowl ads at Hulu:

Geico and Progressive

I never liked the caveman commercials from Geico, though at least the tagline tied into the general idea of so easy, even a caveman can sign up online, etc. The gecko is a silly play on words with Geico, and someone might be able to explain to me why the gecko has a cockney accent. But Geico has finally scraped the very bottom of the barrel with the plastic eyes. A pair of flat plastic googly eyes from a craft store sitting atop a couple small bundles of cash — the money you could be saving if you switched to Geico. Who is the target audience for this crap?




I like the Progressive girl just fine, but I think that series is getting ready to jump the couch.

Bring on the Super Bowl!

2008 Summary

Thanks Anhaga! This is a pretty good summary of 2008!

Bring on 2009

Good riddance to 2008, the election bullshit, and the idiots who have wrecked the economy and world standing of this country. Please let a large heavy wooden sign bash you on the head on your way out.